I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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