sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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