did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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