you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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