Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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