Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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