If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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