in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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