its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I forget how to act sober
Randomize