You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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