Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
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You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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