You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize