I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize