Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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