dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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