Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize