could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I need moral support for this bender
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize