i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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