He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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