This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
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