I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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