so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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