you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize