Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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