we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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