Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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