I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize