"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize