i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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