now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize