Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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