im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize