dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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