wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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