I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize