haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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