Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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