His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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