I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize