I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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