summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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