I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
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I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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