I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize