Fine. I'll sleep in my office
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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