The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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