he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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