Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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