Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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