I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize