I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
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I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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