Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize